1. : to glide along on skates propelled by the alternate action of the legs
2. : to slip or glide as if on skates
3. : to proceed in a superficial or blithe manner
(...As defined here by Merriam-Webster.)
Some people ice skate, others roller skate. Some have tried both and failed miserably. When we hear the word skate we usually associate it with some kind of rink. But in the Marine Corps, the word takes on a whole other meaning than those we're most familiar with. Used in conversation, you might hear a Marine say to another, "Dude. Your job is skate." Or maybe one will ask where Superturd is and a Marine will answer under his breath, "Skatin'."
The information provided here is to help you better understand what we mean by skate and how to do it yourself. This is only an introduction to the art and the descriptions here are brief for that reason. Advanced learning may take place with the skating champions in your own unit. As always, have fun and be safe!
How to SKATE in jungle boots.
S - Sneak away.
Go as far away from the company office as you possibly can. And use good judgement. If a working party is needed to PM vehicles, do it. It's an easy job and most likely will be done at a motor pool somewhere a comfortable distance from the company office.
Schedule appointments. Make the dentist your friend by keeping up with regular cleanings. Besides, you don't want to be a yuck mouth. If you have a tooth ache you should go to dental anyway, but if you typically avoid the dentist for minor ailments, stop doing so. Schedule an appointment and then return for it. Same goes for medical. This is perhaps the easiest way to sneak away.
If you have a wife at the crib you have more excuses at your disposal.
- My wife drove the car into the garage door and she's freaking out - I'm afraid she might try to kill herself so I need to go check on her to make sure she's okay.
- My wife has a doctor appointment and she wants me to go with her so I need to leave.
- My wife has a migraine so I need to go home to take care of her.
- My wife's parents are flying in today so I need to go pick them up from the airport.
- My wife keeps bitching about me working so much lately and she's getting depressed. I need to leave early today.
I've heard all these excuses and seen this step of the skating process executed with precision using them. If it worked for unsaid named superturds, it shall work for you. However, I don't recommend making your wife look incompetent and useless. Do this only if you have no other options and desperately need to hit the rink.
K - Keep a low profile.
Don't behave in a way that draws attention to you or your fellow superturds. Give proper greetings to your senior Marines as they pass you by (which you should do anyway).
Don't pretend to not notice a blue sticker on an officer's car as he or she passes you while you're en route to your relaxing destination. Salute him/her rather than pretending your boot laces are untied and bending down to untie them and then tie them back up again. (I don't anyone who has done this. I'm just imagining...)
Don't sneak away in large numbers. Going solo is always best. Three is a crowd. Don't let others see you're doing something more enjoyable than they are. Jealously arises and rats will sell you out. Don't smile for too long or laugh too loudly. Remember: you're not supposed to be enjoying yourself. You're supposed to be taking care of business, not having fun...as far as anyone else knows.
A - Avoid being seen.
While you're likely to be seen by someone, whether it be a garbage man driving by or a mother dragging along her two adorable little children to the exchange, make sure it is not someone from your unit. Skate on the other side of your base if you need to. You might spot another Marine from your platoon who is on his own skating mission and that's fine. If he's skating. To be on the safe side, assume he's out looking for you and will drag you back to the company before you've finished your "you" time. See him before he sees you and get out of his line of sight immediately. But do so casually. If you're truly needed someone will try to call you before sending out a bloodhound. If you don't have a phone on your person so you can be reached, then you might want to surrender and try escaping again at a later time.
T - Take your time.
Remember the 15-minute-prior rule and appreciate it's value. If you can get away with 15-minutes-prior to 15 minutes, the time is all yours. The sooner you can leave to go take care of your personal business the better.
No matter where you go or what you choose to do, make sure you can be reached by someone in your chain of command and don't ignore phone calls from those Marines. If it seems like you're being tracked down much sooner than necessary, allow the first call to go to your voice mail. If it's important, the caller will leave a message. If no one leaves a message, carry skate on. And never lie about your whereabouts, either. Skating shouldn't get you into trouble.
It will feel strange at first, to be away from the bulk of your platoon or company for what might seem to be eternity for some. An hour might feel like three, for instance. But soon you'll know more ways to take your time and feel comfortable doing so.
If you feel like you're going to get in trouble, you're not doing it correctly. If this is the case, you may need additional lessons on how to skate properly. Learn from a Marine you hardly ever see. You probably never see that Marine because he or she has mastered the art of skating and this step especially. A Marine in your platoon who you do not recognize well is the best to guide you through practical application.
E - Enjoy your time.
Last but surely not least, enjoy your time. Since you should appear to others around you that you are not having fun, learn how to experience bliss only on the inside rather than allowing it to seep onto your ugly mug. Skating can be highly enjoyable without acting a fool and blowing your cover. Discipline, superturds. Discipline.
When there is serious work that needs to be done, hold off on skating for a later time. Help your fellow Marines by being present, especially if you possess more knowledge in your MOS than those you work with, and especially if you don't know shit at all about your job. Good times to skate are after training has be completed, and when no one - including your platoon sergeant - knows what's going on for the better half of the day.
While I learned many valuable life skills during my years on active duty, I would like to extend a special thanks to the first unit I joined in the fleet for teaching me the ways of skating. You should be proud.
Semper Fidelis